Forever Dateless…

House in Oregon
[Sunflowers]

In a previous blog I wrote how I have never really dated. Oh, I’ve dated a few times – maybe half a dozen in my 50-plus years – but never more than once with the same man.

So if I’m not good ‘date material’, why not? Are men embarrassed to be seen with me? Am I boring? Am I just not worth the time, money and effort involved in a date? I’m sure it’s yes to all of the above.

But in all fairness, I’ve never been given a decent opportunity to learn what to do on a date. I always feel so awkward and bumbling. What is expected of me? How much am I supposed to talk? Do I reach for your hand? Or is holding hands up to the man? I’ve never quite learned proper etiquette and procedures, except what I’ve read in books and seen in movies – and I’m finding out that I cannot trust those to guide me no matter how real and natural they make it seem.

So I guess I’m forever the Friend With Benefits and never the GirlFriend…

Heads I Lose, Tails I Lose…

2011-11-18 (1) Bougainivillea bushes along Makakilo Drive
[Bougainvillea]

I got into a discussion this morning about my sex life. And lack thereof. It came down to two things. One, keep the status quo. In other words, keep hoping someone comes along and do nothing in the meantime. No sex. No human contact. Two, enter into an affair with a married man knowing that it will go nowhere. The upside of that is I will get sex and human contact. Albeit, not on my terms. Our meetings will be dependent upon his schedule, his desires, his needs.

Seems like either way I lose…

Dating…

Icepalnt Flowers near Blaisdell
[Iceplant at Blaisdell]

I am in my 50’s and I have never dated a man. I lived with one, had his child, but we never got the dating part down. I’ve had sex with plenty of men but those liaisons never turned into dating types of relationships. Even more recently, after a long, dark, dry spell, my sex life has been flowing – but I’m still not dating. Which I guess makes me the woman you have sex with, not the woman you take to dinner and a movie. So why, exactly, am I having sex with you??? Oh yeah, it’s sex and it feels freaking awesome…