Toad…

Toad

Today I’m going to tell you about a friend I used to have. I met him on Craigslist – he answered a post I put up seeking platonic friendships. He was the only one that lasted more than a couple of weeks.

Jack (not his real name) is a Christian. He went through a rough patch with his divorce and got into some legal trouble but his church helped him through his struggles. He now devotes a lot of his time to his church, both in receivership and in contributions of his time. He works in their AV room, making DVDs of each service, and volunteers during special events to help run the sound and lighting equipment.

He would also try to counsel me during my darker moments. When I got depressed and wanted to give up he would tell me to trust in God and sometimes quote Bible verses. We had a few philosophical discussions during these times, which I actually enjoyed. But we also talked sex and I had fun with that too.

The first time I met him in person I thought he didn’t like me. He barely said a word – I had to keep the conversation going, which is so not me and thus very hard for me to do. But he kept texting and we kept talking. Then one night I met him at Ala Moana Center for coffee after work. I gave him a ride home and before he got out, he leaned over to kiss me. He always did this when we parted – a quick kiss goodbye on the cheek. That night, he caught my lips and at the same time he grabbed by boob and squeezed. Needless to say, I was shocked. Not in a horrified, outraged way – more like, “Wow… I didn’t know he had it in him.”

And we continued to talk and occassionally meet for coffee. We talked about our days, the dumb stuff that was going on around us, we teased each other with sex talk, and he occassionally ministered to my dark soul. But one day I was particularly bad off and since he was out running errands, he was going to come over. He doesn’t drive so he had to catch a bus from Ala Moana where he was shopping.

At some point during our conversation, I made him aware that I would love to have him come over but not to expect sex. It had nothing to do with him – I was just in such a bad place, having just broken up with someone, being almost homebound with and injured leg, and trying to deal with being alone (no boyfriend, no family) during the holiday season – that I couldn’t trust myself.

Next thing I know, he says he can’t come over because it’s raining. WTF? He’s not walking, he’s taking a bus. How does the rain affect that? I haven’t heard a word from him since.

This man, one I counted as such a good friend, always read to listen to me when I have a problem, always ready to preach his Christianity, just dropped me.

I’ve come to realize that 1) he is not a real Christian, 2) he uses Christianity as a front, a way of getting what he wants, a sort of lure or mask (and I have know a lot of Christians who follow this system), and 3) if he doesn’t get what he wants from you, he just doesn’t bother with you anymore, ergo 4) he has no real feelings for you – you are just a means to an end.

I am religious in my own way, but I will never be a Christian because of people like Jack…

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Photo: Toad