Past Lives…

Berries

I must have been a very horrible person in a former life. In point, I think I was an evil, abusive man, a man who used and abused women with no regard for them whatsoever. Why else have I lived my entire life without finding love? Why do I meet men who only want me for a play-thing? Why do I meet only men who hurt me, use me for what they can get out of me, and leave without a second thought? It is the only reason I can come up with for being stuck in such a miserable existence in this hell called Earth…

Deserving…

Coconut Palms

I have spent all my adult years in fly-by-night relationships, being cheated on or in affairs with married men. I can count on one hand the number of men who have been faithful to me and I can count on less than one hand the number of men who have put me first in the relationship.

I have reached a point in my life where I don’t want to settle any more. I want to be the focus of a relationship, not be just one in five women that he’s juggling. Is it so wrong of me to want that? After all this time and all the lousy men, I think I deserve just one…

I’m Not Laughing…

Ice
[Ice crystals on a telephone line]

What do you think of an ex who texts you late at night and says he misses you and wants you back? And what do you think of that same ex when you never hear from him again?

I initiated two more texting sessions with him over the next few days and apparently, he has decided he does not want me back. There have been no more texts, no phone calls, no requests for dates, nothing. If this were any other ex I would have put it away by now, laughed it off, put if down to a bad night on his part. But this is the one I can’t get over. He still haunts me every single God damned day and when I thought he wanted me, I was elated. Scared, angry, wondering where the joke was, but so freaking happy he finally got in touch with me. Guess there was a joke after all. Me…

Online Dating…

Heart

Doing the whole online dating thing, one thing I’ve come to realize is that if a man is serious about getting to know you, he won’t ask for your picture.

I’ve never really cared about looks that much – as long as the man takes care of himself (showers, shaves, brushes his teeth), I’m good. But if you’re using a site like craigslist or FetLife, you don’t necessarily have a photo posted and the first thing I’m usually asked is, ‘Can you send a pic?’

The last few men I’ve been involved with never did ask for photos before meeting. We corresponded for a while before meeting face to face so by that point, we had a good feel for each other. If they were disappointed on my appearance when we met, it didn’t show. I’ve also realized they didn’t push me to meet or to have sex with them.

I’m beginning to think there’s a correlation here. If a man is serious about wanting to get to know you, wanting some sort of relationship, he won’t care about a photo and he won’t pester you to meet before you’re ready. Don’t let them…