Haunting…

Seed Pod
[Autograph Tree seed pod]

Do you ever get an image in your head that you just can’t seem to shake loose? Something that happened in your past and once it comes to the front of your brain, it’s like its been imbedded, engraved in the backs of your eyelids, tattooed into your frontal lobe…

And it’s never a nice memory. It’s something embarrassing or something dreadful – something you really, really want to forget. Forever. But there it is.

Maybe it’s been a year since you remembered it last, maybe longer. No matter how long it’s been, it doesn’t seem to want to go away. And so you relive that horrible memory over and over again until it fades away and eventually you stop thinking about it. Until it comes back again…

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Pier at Waikiki
[Pier at Waikiki]

I met at man for lunch today. We’ve been emailing back and forth for a while now and finally took that BIG step – meeting in person. The problem? Because, honestly, isn’t there always a problem? He’s married…

We started emailing as friends, lamenting our lives, but he can make me laugh and that seems to be a rarity these days. I already know all the traps so I had no intention whatsoever of meeting him (let alone doing anything else) when we first started communicating. But as I said, he can make me laugh so when he suggested coffee, I thought why not?

But as we sat there, talking, I kept wanting him to touch me – just a hand on my knee or my arm, nothing intense, but just… contact. I wanted him to make that connection. He was very proper, never touched me, didn’t push me into going off with him or into another meeting. He’s leaving that completely up to me.

So what’s a very lonely woman to do? I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon and I still don’t know…

I Killed a Gecko…

Gold Dust Day Gecko
[Gold Dust Day Gecko, photo taken from Wikipedia]

I killed a gecko today. It was unintentional but I still feel just awful about it. I opened the washing machine to put my laundry in the dryer, and there was this beautiful Gold Dust Day Gecko – the bright emerald green with the red spots on his back – just laying at the bottom of the tub. I don’t know if he was in my clothes basket and got thrown in or if he was already in the machine, but I killed him…

Melting…

106
[Some beach on the North Shore]

I had to pull some numbers out of a work email I had been cc’d on about a month ago. In re-reading the opening statement, I swear I about melted in my desk chair…

I have looked into your account and below is what will happen in order to keep the ball rolling…

Not ‘Here’s what you need to do’ or ‘If you want to stay, you need to do the following’, but ‘below is what will happen’. What will happen.

The direct order reminded me of a man I used to have sex with. He had a Dom-ish personality and I could just hear his voice delivering the statement, I could see him before my eyes, I could smell him in the room. Oh, to be Mastered again…